What Betrayal Trauma Teaches Us About Healing There’s a moment I’ve seen play out more times than I can count. A man has been caught. The truth is out—or at least part of it is. The weight of hiding is gone, and now he’s sitting across from his wife, overwhelmed with shame, fear, and urgency.Continue reading “Safety Before Details”
Tag Archives: shame
When Shame Fails and Grace Leads
For most of my life, I believed two things at the same time. I believed in grace. And I believed in shame. I preached grace for more than 20 years in ministry. I told people that God loved them, that forgiveness was real, that Jesus met us in our brokenness. And I believed every wordContinue reading “When Shame Fails and Grace Leads”
When Helping Others Reopens Your Own Story
Consequences, Honesty, and the Hope That Life Isn’t Over Recently, I was on the phone with the family of a young man facing serious charges related to his addiction. He will likely be incarcerated for a long time. They were devastated. They asked the questions families always ask: “Why didn’t he tell us he wasContinue reading “When Helping Others Reopens Your Own Story”
Beyond the Barna Numbers – Part 4
The Church’s Role in the Struggle with Porn In this series we’ve been exploring what the recent Barna research reveals about pornography use in our culture and even within the church. The numbers are difficult to ignore. Pornography use is widespread, and many pastors acknowledge that it is a significant issue within their congregations. ButContinue reading “Beyond the Barna Numbers – Part 4”
Porn as Emotional Regulation, Not Moral Failure
Beyond the Barna Numbers – Part 3 Why the Numbers Keep Climbing In Part 1 of this series, we looked at the latest Barna research and the rising rates of pornography use — even among practicing Christians. In Part 2, we explored the idea that sexual energy hasn’t disappeared in our culture — it hasContinue reading “Porn as Emotional Regulation, Not Moral Failure”
Sexual Energy Wasn’t Eliminated – It Was Diverted:
What the Barna Numbers Don’t Tell Us About Porn, Isolation, and Desire In my previous post, I shared recent research from Barna showing just how widespread pornography use has become—both in our culture and inside the church. The numbers are sobering. But numbers alone don’t tell the whole story. What the data doesn’t fully explainContinue reading “Sexual Energy Wasn’t Eliminated – It Was Diverted:”
Forgiving Yourself Without Excusing the Past
For a lot of people in recovery, the phrase “self-forgiveness” can feel confusing or even uncomfortable. Many of us hear that term and immediately think, “I don’t deserve that,” or “If I forgive myself, am I just letting myself off the hook?” But when you look a little deeper, most people who say they can’t forgive themselves aren’t really wrestling withContinue reading “Forgiving Yourself Without Excusing the Past”
Brotherhood in the Desert
Brotherhood in the Desert: Reflections from the Samson Summit This past Friday afternoon, I flew into Albuquerque, New Mexico to meet a few friends. I’ve been in the mountains of Tennessee and Colorado, but this was my first time seeing the desert mountains. The beauty of the area took my breath away. After meeting aContinue reading “Brotherhood in the Desert”
Give It Away
You can’t keep it unless you give it away A yearlong Baltimore study of 500 former and current heroin and cocaine injection users found that having a sponsor in NA or AA did not result in much of a change in long term recovery. On the other hand, the study found that being a sponsorContinue reading “Give It Away”
Shame
Shame is a feeling of embarrassment or humiliation that comes from the belief that we have done something dishonorable or immoral, or that we have fallen short in our own eyes or in the eyes of someone whose opinion is important to us. The effects of shame can last hours or maybe days but willContinue reading “Shame”