When I was released from prison, I thought my behavior was cured. I had spent two years being punished for what I had done. For those two years, I hadn’t returned to my old behavior. And if that wasn’t enough, I had the possibility of eight more years hanging over my head if I violatedContinue reading “Why Do I Keep Going Back to Something That Hurts Me?”
Author Archives: RWCOACHING
When Getting Help Feels Scary
I scheduled three newcomer meetings with Samson Society before I finally showed up to one. I first heard about Samson through a podcast. Nate Larkin, the founder, shared some of his experience and mentioned the fellowship. He didn’t go into much detail, but what he said caught my attention. It sounded like something that mightContinue reading “When Getting Help Feels Scary”
I Stopped the Behavior. Why Was I Still Miserable?
For years, maybe decades before my arrest, I lived focused on my behavior. I wanted to stop. I prayed about stopping. And there were seasons when I did stop. But even during those seasons of abstinence, the internal conflict remained. I still struggled to manage my emotions. I was discontent with life as a whole.Continue reading “I Stopped the Behavior. Why Was I Still Miserable?”
What Happens Between the Trigger and the Relapse?
Early in recovery, I could feel like everything was going well and then find myself sitting alone in my apartment in the evening, struggling with the urge to return to pornography. From where I was sitting, the change seemed sudden. I had been doing fine. Now I was struggling, and I couldn’t explain how IContinue reading “What Happens Between the Trigger and the Relapse?”
Recovery Means Learning to Ask Better Questions
One of the most common questions people ask themselves in recovery is, “Why can’t I stop?” Why can’t I stop drinking? Why can’t I stop looking at pornography? Why do I keep overeating, isolating, or going back to something I know is hurting me? Eventually, “Why can’t I stop?” can become an even more painfulContinue reading “Recovery Means Learning to Ask Better Questions”
Teamwork in Recovery: Choosing to Let Others In
In high school, I played football, but my main interest was wrestling. From the outside, wrestling may not look like a team sport. When the match begins, it is one man facing another on a mat. For a maximum of six minutes, you are responsible for what you do. But those six minutes are supportedContinue reading “Teamwork in Recovery: Choosing to Let Others In”
The Smell of Coffee and the Memory of Safety
I woke up on a steel bunk to the smell of coffee. For a moment, before I opened my eyes and remembered where I was, I was back at my grandmother’s house. The first thing she did each morning was make coffee. Like many in my family, she kept a pot going throughout the dayContinue reading “The Smell of Coffee and the Memory of Safety”
Are Your Recovery Boundaries a Prison—or Protection?
If you have ever put up a fence to keep a dog, a goat, or some other animal contained, you may have discovered something frustrating. If that animal really wants to get to the other side of the fence, it can become amazingly creative. You put up the fence and everything is fine for aContinue reading “Are Your Recovery Boundaries a Prison—or Protection?”
Who Do You Want To Become?
“Where there is no vision, the people perish.” — Proverbs 29:18 KJV I’ve heard that verse quoted most of my life. While the context of the verse is bigger than simply having a vision for our lives, I think there is something here that applies powerfully to recovery. I have talked with many people inContinue reading “Who Do You Want To Become?”
Truth and Recovery
For much of my addiction, I would have told you that I valued honesty. I knew lying was wrong, and I didn’t necessarily think of myself as a dishonest person. The problem was that I became very good at deciding when the whole truth wasn’t necessary. I could almost always rationalize why telling the truth—orContinue reading “Truth and Recovery”