For most of my life, I believed two things at the same time. I believed in grace. And I believed in shame. I preached grace for more than 20 years in ministry. I told people that God loved them, that forgiveness was real, that Jesus met us in our brokenness. And I believed every wordContinue reading “When Shame Fails and Grace Leads”
Tag Archives: feelings
When Helping Others Reopens Your Own Story
Consequences, Honesty, and the Hope That Life Isn’t Over Recently, I was on the phone with the family of a young man facing serious charges related to his addiction. He will likely be incarcerated for a long time. They were devastated. They asked the questions families always ask: “Why didn’t he tell us he wasContinue reading “When Helping Others Reopens Your Own Story”
Beyond the Barna Numbers – Part 4
The Church’s Role in the Struggle with Porn In this series we’ve been exploring what the recent Barna research reveals about pornography use in our culture and even within the church. The numbers are difficult to ignore. Pornography use is widespread, and many pastors acknowledge that it is a significant issue within their congregations. ButContinue reading “Beyond the Barna Numbers – Part 4”
Porn as Emotional Regulation, Not Moral Failure
Beyond the Barna Numbers – Part 3 Why the Numbers Keep Climbing In Part 1 of this series, we looked at the latest Barna research and the rising rates of pornography use — even among practicing Christians. In Part 2, we explored the idea that sexual energy hasn’t disappeared in our culture — it hasContinue reading “Porn as Emotional Regulation, Not Moral Failure”
Safety in Uncertainty: Why Recovery Feels So Hard – and What Actually Helps
One of the most uncomfortable parts of recovery isn’t cravings, triggers, or even relapse fear. It’s uncertainty. In recovery, so many of the old guarantees disappear. You don’t know how long the discomfort will last. You don’t know if relationships will heal. You don’t know if urges will return. You don’t know how life willContinue reading “Safety in Uncertainty: Why Recovery Feels So Hard – and What Actually Helps”
Sexual Energy Wasn’t Eliminated – It Was Diverted:
What the Barna Numbers Don’t Tell Us About Porn, Isolation, and Desire In my previous post, I shared recent research from Barna showing just how widespread pornography use has become—both in our culture and inside the church. The numbers are sobering. But numbers alone don’t tell the whole story. What the data doesn’t fully explainContinue reading “Sexual Energy Wasn’t Eliminated – It Was Diverted:”
Learning to Trust Again
Trusting Myself, Others, and God Learning to trust again is rarely simple. If trust feels slow, confusing, or even unsafe for you, that doesn’t mean you’re failing at recovery. More often, it means trust was broken somewhere along the way. Most of us were not taught how to build trust. We were taught how toContinue reading “Learning to Trust Again”
Healthy Boundaries Without Guilt
For many people in recovery, the word boundaries sounds good in theory—but feels uncomfortable in practice. We know boundaries are important, yet the moment we try to set one, guilt rushes in. We worry about hurting someone, disappointing them, or being seen as selfish. So instead of setting boundaries, we overextend, stay silent, or say yes whenContinue reading “Healthy Boundaries Without Guilt”
Politically Right or Sober
Over the past several years, I’ve noticed a pattern with some of my clients in recovery. It cuts across political parties, belief systems, and personal backgrounds. When people become deeply immersed in politics—especially through social media—something often begins to shift. Emotional regulation weakens. Anxiety increases. Anger becomes more accessible. And for some, sobriety quietly startsContinue reading “Politically Right or Sober”
Forgiving Yourself Without Excusing the Past
For a lot of people in recovery, the phrase “self-forgiveness” can feel confusing or even uncomfortable. Many of us hear that term and immediately think, “I don’t deserve that,” or “If I forgive myself, am I just letting myself off the hook?” But when you look a little deeper, most people who say they can’t forgive themselves aren’t really wrestling withContinue reading “Forgiving Yourself Without Excusing the Past”