Give It Away

You can’t keep it unless you give it away

A yearlong Baltimore study of 500 former and current heroin and cocaine injection users found that having a sponsor in NA or AA did not result in much of a change in long term recovery. On the other hand, the study found that being a sponsor resulted in long term abstinence. 75% of those that were sponsors maintained abstinence over the one year period of the study and showed improved lifestyle changes. The results were surprising to some but seem to reinforce what most 12 step programs already know. 

Being a sponsor provides purpose and accountability. When someone becomes a sponsor, they take on leadership and responsibility. This can provide us with a sense of purpose. The idea that someone is counting on me can become a powerful motivator to stay clean. Therapist Jay Stringer found in his study of nearly 4,000 adults found that purpose or a lack of it was one of the four major triggers behind unwanted sexual behavior or sex addiction. In fact, Stringer found that those struggling with compulsive behaviors are seven times more likely to lack a clear sense of purpose.

Teaching reinforces learning. There’s a saying in AA: “You can’t keep it unless you give it away.” When we begin to teach the principles to others that have been beneficial to us, we are forced to internalize those principles in a new way. As an addiction recovery coach, I am constantly reconsidering how I am applying the ideas I am teaching in my own life and recovery. 

Connection and service heal shame. Many addicts carry deep shame. Helping others, especially those that are struggling in the same way can become a redemptive experience. As we serve others it can transform feelings of worthlessness into a sense of value and belonging. In fact, serving as a sponsor reinforces a new identity in us. I’m no longer just a recovering addict. In the eyes of those around me and more importantly, in my eyes I am becoming someone that is stable and reliable. This identity shift can play a major factor in long term behavior change. It’s no longer just about avoiding relapse. It’s about becoming a new person.

Having a sponsor can be a very important part of recovery, especially early on, but it can sometimes allow us to take a somewhat passive role. Being a sponsor usually means staying active in meetings, being available for phone calls and walking others through their recovery. Being a sponsor and helping others can activate a person’s values, identity, and commitment on a much deeper level.

If you’ve been in recovery for a while and are finding it difficult to gain traction, maybe it’s time to remember, “You can’t keep it unless you give it away.” Quit hanging on to it and start handing it out.  If you have questions about this line of thought, email me at RWCoaching2@gmail.com. Let’s talk.