Gladness

Gladness. Last year I had the privilege of officiating my oldest daughter’s wedding. Long before the day, I sat with my daughter and soon to be son-in-law as we worked on the outline for the ceremony. As we talked about what they wanted, who would be in the wedding with them and other associated things my mind wandered. I remembered when this young woman was born. It was basically in a hospital closet because the delivery room was being renovated. I remembered wrestling with her and her younger sisters in the living room floor, her first day of school, watching her basketball games. I remember putting brakes on her car and driving to Louisville to have lunch with her when she worked at the hospital. 

On the day of the wedding, I stood on the platform with her soon to be husband standing next to me and I watched her walk down the aisle. What I felt at that moment was immense joy and pride, and at the exact same time I felt some sadness. I knew this was a day she had been planning since she was a little girl and at the same time, I realized that I was no longer the man she would come to first when she had a question or a problem. This feeling, joy mixed with sadness, is what gladness in life looks like. My heart’s desire is for her to be happy and to succeed but if that desire is true then I must accept that this will have a cost for me. If you are a parent, I think you understand what I am talking about. Joy mixed with sadness. In a strange way, it’s possibly the most satisfying feelings I have ever experienced.

Gladness is not to be confused with happiness. Happiness involves external circumstances. Gladness is about desiring deeply and being willing to walk through pain in pursuit of the desire. Dr. Chip Dodd says, “The outcome of the desire doesn’t matter as much as living in the heart openly and truthfully. In risking desire, we are hoping for gladness to be fulfilled. But even if the desire is not realized, the hope will be, and gladness will be experienced.” It’s like that saying, life is a journey, not a destination. Gladness can only be experienced when we realize life is full of mystery, joy, confusion, loss, restoration, and pain. This shouldn’t lead us to hopelessness, self-pity, or doubt. It leads us to a willingness to risk as we pursue dreams and desires. And even if the desire isn’t met in the way we originally hoped, the journey has been awesome!

Going back to my daughter’s wedding day. To see that day take place, the journey required risk, pain, and failure. There was a relationship and marriage on my part that ended in failure. But it also produced four amazing daughters that have resulted in tremendous pride and joy in my life. If you know my story you know that I have taken risk and made many mistakes. Some that cost me dearly. Over the years I have experienced dreams and desires that have fallen by the wayside without being fulfilled. Even so, I have chosen to continue to dream and desire and some of those have come to pass in ways that I could have never imagined. All four of my daughters are grown and living life. They bring me joy mixed with sadness, they make me glad.

In closing, at a time in my life when I thought I would move past dreams and desires, I have been introduced to grandchildren and my dreams are being stretched in ways I could never have imagined. Just recently I visited my oldest daughter. Most of my time at her house was spent with my grandson. We wrestled and tickled and played. As I prepared to leave I felt that sensation again, immense joy, and a little sadness. Joy because of the relationship and connection I have with family. Sadness because I had to leave and go home. This is true gladness. 

If you’re struggling to experience gladness or you have questions about what that would look like in your life, shoot me an email at rwcoaching2@gmail.com. I plan to dream and desire until the very end.