I was talking with a friend recently and he was telling me how discouraged he was. “My recovery sucks. I’m lonely. I feel like I’m going nowhere in life.” I asked the normal questions. How long has it been since you went to a meeting? Who did you call when you were feeling lonely? What are your goals in life. I ran into my friend a week later and asked how things were going and he responded, worse than ever.
I encouraged him to tell me more and he let it all spill out. Since our last talk he had decided to do 90 meetings in 90 days. He had already missed one, so that was a failure. In addition, he had also decided to join clubs so that he could be doing something every day so that he wouldn’t be lonely, and he had gone to Ivy Tech, the local community college and signed up for classes since his life isn’t going anywhere.
In his first week he had missed a meeting, attended several club meetings but hadn’t developed what he would call a real friendship, and signed up for school, which he realized he couldn’t afford and he would have to take another job to pay for. But if he took another job, he wouldn’t have time for his meetings, clubs or class. All the things my friend was attempting to do were good things, it just wasn’t realistic to believe that he could do them all at the same time. As we sat and talked, we began to focus in on what he could realistically do at this point in his life that would be of the most benefit now.
We made a list of the benefits of each action he was attempting to take. In the end he concluded that at this point maybe it was best if he focused exclusively on 90 meetings in 90 days. The program he was in offered in person and online meetings that he could fit into his schedule. If he made the meetings he would be interacting with people and his struggle with loneliness would likely decrease. And, as he focused on his recovery, he would pick up tools that would benefit other areas of his life.
There are seasons that call for massive change and big steps, but sometimes we set goals that are unrealistic and attempt steps that just aren’t possible. I have found that for me, there are times when I need to step back and focus on smaller steps. Steps that still stretch me but that aren’t going to overwhelm me and that can be reached. Often, I can find clarity in what steps I need to focus on as I process things with trusted brothers.
Don’t allow yourself to become overwhelmed. Talk things through with a trusted friend and it may be that the best thing right now is to focus on smaller steps that still push you. If you don’t have someone to process things with, feel free to shoot me a message at rwcoaching2@gmail.com. I’d be happy to listen.