Ask any man, “What are you feeling?”, and nine out of a ten will respond, “I feel good” or “I feel fine.” The problem is, good and fine aren’t feelings. They are catch all terms we use to avoid thinking about our feelings and emotions. The truth is that most, if not all people struggling with addiction and compulsive behavior struggle with identifying and processing feelings. We turn to alcohol because we are attempting to avoid stress or anxiety. We turn to drugs to avoid fear or sadness. Food can be a good escape from shame. We may use pornography or unhealthy sexual behavior too escape loneliness or rejection.
As a child growing up in a home with an alcoholic father I learned at an early age about disappointment, shame and pain in general. The technique I learned to use to deal with it was not to feel. I discovered that if I shut down emotionally and just didn’t care I was less likely to feel hurt. This kind of response can work in the short term but in the long term it has devastating results. Our feelings and emotions are an important and healthy part of life. They are meant to be processed and experienced. Feelings, even the ones we would classify as negative, play an important role in our development and in our mental health.
Like me, you may have been tempted to run from your feelings. I often associated feelings with pain. Pain, however, is not always a bad thing. We just celebrated a New Year, and you may have joined a gym. When we begin to push muscles that we haven’t used for a while pain is often the result. But that pain serves as a sign that we are growing. We are making progress physically. When we touch a hot stove, pain warns us to move our hand before severe damage is done. Likewise, emotional pain can warn us that we are involved in an unhealthy relationship. It can also reveal that we are growing emotionally in a healthy way. Learning to identify and process my feelings has played a major role in my personal recovery and I’d suggest it may it can be of benefit to you too.
If you’re ready to press forward, to discover a path where you can process these feelings and learn from them then shoot me an email. I offer groups and individual coaching. You can cross that bridge from where you are to where you want to be. Email me at rwcoaching2@gmail.com. Your first consultation is at no charge.