“They made themselves a god they could touch and feel. “A lot of people do that with grief and pain. They fix their eyes and their hearts on a casket or a divorce or a diagnosis, they drink or use drugs or do something else to numb the pain, and they spend their lives holding on to the hurt so tightly that it becomes the only thing they have. That’s basically idolatry. It’s making a god out of your circumstances instead of letting God help you process them. That’s a dangerous place to live, Lee.”
Warren, W. Lee. Hope Is the First Dose: A Treatment Plan for Recovering from Trauma, Tragedy, and Other Massive Things (p. 59). The Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
I’m currently reading a book. I’m only about halfway through but the quote above jumped out at me as I read it. Dr. W. Lee Warren lost his son Mitch to tragic circumstances that are still surrounded with questions today. As Dr. Warren was attempting to recover from his loss these words were shared with him by a hospital chaplain. This was shared to a specific person in a specific circumstance, but I find that it speaks directly to me and the way that I have learned to respond to pain and circumstances in my life.
Pain or hurt is a normal part of life. We all experience it. When we go to the doctor with a problem, he usually begins by asking, “Where does it hurt?” It’s natural for us to want relief from the pain but to seek relief before investigating the cause can lead to infection and greater damage and ultimately greater pain.
One of the most painful experiences of my life was divorce. In the midst of my pain my focus was entirely on escape. The search for pain relief led me back to unhealthy behaviors I had used when I was younger. Because the pain was greater than anything I had experienced before it was only logical that relief would require stronger medication and I numbed out. All the while, the issues that had led to the divorce remained undiagnosed and untreated, spreading the infection through other relationships and destroying my heart and mind.
The unhealthy response most of us move towards when we experience emotional hurt and pain is resentment. We focus on the person or circumstance that we believe has caused the pain. Kind of like when we get angry at the doctor that touches our injured hand. The touch causes greater pain, but it’s done to find the best way to treat the problem. We totally ignore the fact that the reason our hand hurts is because we were angry and punched the wall. What we really need is to let the doctor do his work to help us understand what caused the pain in the first place and how to best experience healing. If we only attempt to take care of the pain, eventually we will punch the wall again and do more damage. Yes, we want the pain to stop. Yes, we want the hand to heal. But until we examine why we punched the wall, ultimate healing can’t take place.
Are you focused on your circumstances? Are you allowing them to become a god that controls your life? The answer is to allow God to help you process the pain and circumstances so you can experience real healing.
If you’d like to talk, if you’re ready to go to work on a plan to move forward in recovery, towards healing, shoot me an email at rwcoaching2@gmail.com. We can talk.