What are you feeling? I ask this question dozens of times every week and most people give me one of two common answers. “I feel good”, or “I feel fine.” Neither are valid answers to my question. Good and fine are words we use to avoid having to think about what we are feeling. I love the James Brown song but when someone says, “I feel good”, I don’t have a clue about what’s going on in their heart.
My experience has been that most of us are taught that feelings are something to be avoided, ignored, numbed out. And my personal experience has been that my attempts to avoid, ignore and numb my feelings played a major role in my compulsive addictive behavior. Early in my recovery I was introduced to the idea that feelings are not something to run from, but they are gifts created and given to us by God to allow us to flourish and enjoy life. As I have learned to identify and process my feelings, I have found that they can often function like dummy lights on the dashboard of my car. If I am on my way to the coffee shop and the temperature light comes on, if I am paying attention and know what the light indicates, then I recognize there is a problem under the hood of the car. I pull off at the first safe location and look to see what’s going on. Maybe the fan belt is loose or broken or perhaps the car is low on coolant and some needs to be added. If I don’t know what the light means, I may continue to drive as if nothing is wrong. Or I may know what the light means but choose to ignore it. In either case I risk major damage to the engine.
Likewise, if I experience fear, anger, or maybe guilt, it can be an indicator that something needs to be addressed in my head or my heart. How I respond to these feelings can mean the difference between blowing up or salvaging a relationship. Failure to address what’s triggering these feelings may cause damage to my health, both physically and emotionally.
In my recovery journey learning to recognize and process my feelings in a healthy way has played a major role in my freedom and my overall sense of joy and peace in life. Over the next few weeks, I plan to address some of our core feelings. What is the unhealthy way I have reacted to these feelings in the past and what is the gift God has for me as I am learning to press into these feelings and examine why I am experiencing them and how they can help me arrive at a place of emotional health and joy.
As always, if you’d like to talk about this topic feel free to shoot me an email at rwcoaching2@gmail.com.