I remember times in the past when I would drop by a meeting for the first time in a few months. I would try to speak to several people that attended meetings regularly. My goal was to make sure I was seen. I didn’t really want to talk to anybody. I just needed to be seen in hopes that word would spread that I was working my recovery. I had a small group of friends and family members that needed to think I was doing well. I needed them to think I was doing well. If anyone asked me any questions I had long, prepared answers, guaranteed to make then think I was doing good. A few of those answers were, “I’m good.” “Life’s good.” “Work’s good.” How could anybody dare to think things weren’t good?
Some people seemed to accept my answers. Many knew I was lying. Some saw exactly where I was at. I was hanging over the side of a cliff, knuckles white, fingers and hands bleeding, entire body in spasm as I fought to hang on. Do you see the absurdity of this picture? I’m hanging over a thousand-foot drop. People see me and ask if they can help, and I say no. I’m good. I’ve got this.
If you are struggling with compulsive, addictive behaviors, you really only have two options. You hang from that ledge until you can’t hold on any longer. Then you drop. Or you ask for help and accept it when it’s offered. What you can’t do is hang there from that cliff alone.
Recently I was drinking coffee and talking with a man I met a while back. I have shared a few times about the importance of community in recovery. He has resisted strongly each time. This time he demonstrated a little more honesty as he pushed back. He said the group isn’t for him. He isn’t like those guys. Those guys are messed up. He’s at least partially correct. He isn’t like those guys. Chris is in that group and he just celebrated seven years sobriety. Tim is new to the group and he relapsed this past week. For the first time he can remember he didn’t spiral out of control. After his relapse he reached out to the group and guys gathered around to pull him back away from the ledge. What would have been a binge in the past has been a relapse that he is processing and learning from as he is continuing to move forward. This man I was having coffee with isn’t like those guys. He’s alone. He just finished six months on a DWI charge. He’s been out a couple weeks and has relapsed. The big difference between him and the guys in the group isn’t that they are messed up and he isn’t. We are all messed up. The difference is that they know they are messed up and they have chosen to walk together so they always have help available if they stumble. He is choosing to hang from a ledge alone.
In January two new Bridge Groups will be starting. One will be a 12 Step Study and one will address identifying and processing our feelings. I also have individual sessions available if you are interested. If you would like info on the groups or individual work shoot me an email at rwcoaching2@gmail.com. We can talk.