There’s a podcast I listen to called The Place We Find Ourselves with Adam Young. Recently he mentioned three questions. Does anyone see me? Does anyone hear me. Can anyone help me? He called these questions of attunement and said these are questions we are all asking. I have a new granddaughter. She’s three months old. She can’t talk yet but I hear her clearly ask these three questions every time she cries. Through her cry she’s asking if anyone is paying attention, if anyone hears her discomfort and is aware of her needs and if anyone can help her. It appears to me that she has been asking these questions since her first breath, and I think I have been too.
The way these questions were answered by our primary care givers when we were children has played a major role in forming the coping mechanisms we have taught ourselves over the years. have you found yourself thinking no one sees me, my life is meaningless, or maybe if I were to disappear no one would even notice? If I believe no one hears me I may find myself questioning my value and purpose in life. If I believe no one can help me then I lose hope.
For those of us that struggle with addiction, the answers we have received to these questions, or the answers we have perceived have led us to the development of unhealthy coping mechanisms like alcohol and drug abuse or unhealthy sexual behavior.
If these are the answers you have received then I’d suggest it’s time to look somewhere else for your answers. Two weeks ago I attended the Christmas service at my church. I was expecting the regular message. Mary on a donkey. Baby Jesus in a manger. Instead they read a passage from Hebrews 4:14-16. “Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens-Jesus the son of God-let us hold fast to our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin. Therefore, let us approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in time of need.”
I’m sorry pastor, but I don’t remember the rest of what you said because what I was hearing in these words were new answers to my questions. Do you see me? Jesus sees me clearly because he chose to come here, to this world to be with me. Do you hear me? He hears me because he chose to experience my weakness, my trial, my temptation.When I cry out he hears my pain and my agony because he has experienced the same. Can you help me? He can. Because even though he was tempted, just like me, he didn’t act out. And he tells me that when I struggle, I can come to him boldly, without fear of rejection, and he will help me through my trial.
Maybe you don’t go to church. Maybe you follow a different belief system. You can still find healthy answers. Look to your religious faith, a recovery group, a sponsor, a therapist. There are people that see you, People that hear you and will listen. There are people that can and will help.
If you need to talk now, reach out. email@example.com