In my experience, real life change has almost always been costly and painful. Why is that? Usually, the areas in my life that need real change are areas where habits and behaviors have been established over time. If it took time for me to dig the hole I find myself in it’s probably going to take time and effort for me to get out. And it’s usually easier and somehow more comfortable for me to sit in my mess until it becomes unbearable than it is to begin to clean it up.
In recovery we often talk about having to hit rock bottom. What does rock bottom look like? It can look like handcuffs and a jail cell. It can look like divorce or the end of a relationship. It might look like the loss of a job or a business. It may look like friends, family, anyone that’s ever been important to us cutting themselves off from us or in our shame we cut ourselves off from them. My prayer is that if you ever have to experience a “rock bottom”, is that God is as gentle with you as he can. bewail still getting your attention.
My rock bottom began with police serving a search warrant while one of my daughters was staying with me. I remember having to watch the fear and trauma on her face as they restrained the two of us and searched the apartment. Sometimes when you hit rock bottom you bounce. My initial hit was the warrant, but the bounces included my arrest a couple days later followed by realizing I would be spending a couple years in prison. I think that was the most devastating, most painful period of my life. I was placed on suicide watch for a while. I couldn’t see anyway forward. It was then that I came face to face with step one. I recognized that I was powerless. Only as I recognized that I was powerless was I able to understand that I wasn’t helpless. I could finally begin to see that a power greater than myself was able to restore me to sanity and I made the decision to turn my will and my life over to the power of God. My journey to real life began.
Looking back all these years later I can still feel the pain and fear that I experienced when I made that fall. But what I can see clearly today is that as painful and hard as that experience was, it was really an act of God’s mercy, grace and love, meant to initiate the change that would allow me to begin the real journey towards life.
Maybe you’ve experienced that fall to rock bottom and you’re wondering how you will ever be able to get up again. Maybe you recognize that you’re teetering on the edge of that fall. God used people to help me get up. Reach out. I’d be happy to talk to you about my experience. My email is rwcoaching2@gmail.com.